Review – ‘Chopping Mall’ (1986)

This is probably the best film about a bunch of sex-crazed teenagers trapped inside a shopping mall with three homicidal killbots that I’ve ever seen.

It certainly helps that I watched along with Joe Bob Briggs as part of The Last Drive In Season 2, as for Briggs’ commentary and fact spitting that increases the enjoyment factor of every film he decides to have on his show. Without this knowledge and regular breaks I probably wouldn’t have enjoyed the film as much as I did to be completely honest. It’s an interesting premise and quite an original one at that, and has always been one of the films which I think could be great with a modern remake where the robots are scarier and the cheese is toned down perhaps.

Any 80s horror is worth watching for me and I enjoy all of them, mostly due to their cult status and crazy storylines, of which ‘Chopping Mall’ has both. For film with the word chopping in the title, there seems to be a lack of said chopping.

The character roster are your usual tropes and stereotypes which we have come to expect and love. You’ve got the gum-chewing jock, his nymphomaniac girlfriend, the blonde ditz who screams a lot, the seemingly smart one who is actually an idiot, and then finally the couple who are pure and innocent and we know will survive to the end, in classic final girl fashion. But what shines about Chopping Mall isn’t the teens, it’s the machines.

The aforementioned killbots and a joy to watch. Their clunky low-budget feel makes watching them tear through these intruders utterly hilarious, especially when they say the line “Thank You, Have a nice day” after every kill. This is where Briggs’ commentary comes in handy, he shines a new light on the making of these killbots, which brings a certain charm to them. The kills are great as well, there’s an exploding head in the mix as well, which is always welcome, but doesn’t quite match Scanners, but it’s a good try nonetheless.

Definitely not a masterpiece, but a charming little piece of 80s horror history which is worth checking out, especially with Joe Bob Briggs as tour guide.

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